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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29147907">I Need You So Much Closer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen'>Soozen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Loss of Identity, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Mailee, Pining, This fic packs an emotional punch, Ty Lee (Avatar)-centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:53:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29147907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Ty Lee toys with the end of her braid, watching her hands and her hair in the mirror. She’s still a part of that matched set, despite everything. Though she’s moved far away and has done many a great thing, there is still one thing this that ties her to what she has been running from.</em><br/> <br/><em>On her lap is her sword, a requirement of all Kyoshi Warriors.</em></p><p> </p><p>----</p><p>Ty Lee finds herself part of a matched set yet again, and tries to distance herself from the first one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Suki &amp; Ty Lee (Avatar), Suki/Ty Lee (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Need You So Much Closer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Your hair is </em>so<em> long!”</em></p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee looked to Hui Ying, one of her new sisters among the Kyoshi Warriors, as she ran her fingers through her hair, freshly taken down from her braid. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was one of the few days they have free from training, free from any missions or duties, one where they can all simply relax. Ning had suggested they go to the far side of the island, away from the cove that held the unagi, but where the waters were still calm enough to swim in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A handful of girls had agreed to join them, Suki included. It had been great fun, splashing about and soaking up the sunshine (for Kyoshi Island just does not get the same sort of warm and sunny weather that Ty Lee was used to, and taking advantage of a summer day was absolutely necessary). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The girls had gathered on the shore, done with their swim, all drying out in the sun, and Ty Lee had taken her hair down from its braid to wring out what water she can. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know,” she replied, carefully keep her hair swept over her shoulder so the ends don’t brush upon the ground and get sand in her hair as she sat on the small beach. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know how you manage it all,” Suki said from her side with a shake of her head. “It must take so long to tie up.” She touched the ends of her auburn hair before flicking it away. “It’s so much easier to keep it short.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee shrugs, still wringing out her hair. “It doesn’t take me that long. I’ve had lots of practice.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ning laughs in response, lighthearted and short. Her shoulder length black hair is pulled back at the nape of her neck. “I bet! You always keep it in that braid.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Haven’t you ever wanted to try a different style?” Hui Ying asks, toying with her own braid, albeit much shorter than Ty Lee’s ever is. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee pauses, as if in thought, then shakes her head. “Nope! I’ve just always had this braid. I don’t know why I would change it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>She is seated before the vanity in her bedroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. It is nothing like the fine, crystal clear mirrors that she grew up peering into. It is old, with a crack in one corner, cloudy in places and the silver chipped away in others. The mirror is small, as is the vanity itself, but it isn’t meant for long sittings. Only just as long as it takes to apply her makeup when dressing in uniform. On the table itself lay objects she uses nearly daily; a hair brush, the paints and powders used to mimic Kyoshi’s image.</p><p>Ty Lee gingerly touches her long braid, swept over her shoulder, and frowns. The long braid has been a staple in her image for her whole life, she has worn her hair this way for as long as she can remember. Only when she is in uniform does she change it up, but hardly. It is still the same braid, but looped up and pinned up so that it does not swing about while practicing, while taking up her role as one of the Kyoshi Warriors.</p><p>This- her long braid, tied up tight from the crown of her head- has always been the style she has been expected to wear, even as a small child when her hair was not quite as long. And her sisters, all six of them, sporting the same hairstyle, all matching.</p><p>It was the perfect hairstyle, her mother had said. The braids kept their hair out of their faces, so everyone could see just how identical the septuplets were. And it was simple to fashion, simple to learn, and when they were young, they would braid each other’s hair, so they all matched. No one would know who was Ty Lat or Ty Lee or Ty Lao.</p><p>They were the only septuplets in the Fire Nation- perhaps even the whole world- and it was important that they all always be identical.</p><p>It was a suffocating childhood, stifling, confining. It has been years since she went back to that house, back into that set. She left all of it behind.</p><p>All, except for this one thing.</p><p>Ty Lee toys with the end of her braid, watching her hands and her hair in the mirror. She’s still a part of that matched set, despite everything. Though she’s moved far away and has done many a great thing, there is still one thing that ties her to what she has been running from.</p><p>On her lap is her sword, a requirement of all Kyoshi Warriors. Having any sort of weaponry is something Ty Lee still is getting used to. Sharp objects have never been a draw for her; it is easier, safer, to rely on her hands, her fists, herself.</p><p>Lifting it slowly, she unsheathes it, carefully setting the scabbard on the vanity. With one hand holding the blade, and the other holding her braid high and still, she presses the metal edge to her hair, six inches or so from her head. She takes in a breath, bites her lip, sets her jaw, and  with practiced precision, slices through her braid.</p><p>It falls, heavy and limp, still held in her hand. Her head feels lighter, and Ty Lee stares at her reflection.</p><p>She doesn’t look that different. She doesn’t feel that different.</p><p>Shouldn’t she feel different?</p><p>The braid is laid out on the vanity, her hair still tightly woven together, the length of it nearly spanning from one end to the other, and she sheathes her sword again. Another deep breath.</p><p>Ty Lee reaches up, untying the ribbon that winds around the base of her braid—<em>what had been her braid—</em>and lets her hair fall loose. Short waves frame her face, uneven, some as short as just below her ears, others to her chin. The face that stares back at her now, with her hair down, is the same. The same, and yet, without the braid, different. It is not Ty Lat she sees, or Ty Woo, or any of her sisters; she only sees herself.</p><p>This is what she wanted, right?</p><p>Gingerly, she touches the blunt and frayed ends of her hair, tilting her head, examining. She is not part of a matched set anymore. She is separate. She is different. She is herself.</p><p>Her eyes skate over her braid, neatly laid out on the vanity table, the braid that she’d had since childhood, the braid she’d worn for every occasion for every moment of her life, and then to the creams and powders of her makeup.</p><p>Right. No time to dawdle. There’s practice to get to, and as always, in full uniform.</p><p>Pushing down whatever it is she is feeling—because Ty Lee could never hope to put a name to it, and if she can’t name it, then she certainly doesn’t have the time to concern herself with it—she sets to painting her face to match her sisters in arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is for the whole of your face, and the red, it goes on the lips and above the eyes, just like mine. The black is to line the eyes as well mimic an eyebrow.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee watched as Suki pointed to each cream and the corresponding brush for the colors, nodding along. Makeup had always fascinated her, and though she wore a little while performing in the circus, it was still very new to her. Among her sisters she never wore any, because it was unlikely that they all could manage to wear their makeup the same exact way; it would ruin the image of a matched set. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why don’t you practice applying it, and I’ll help you out if needed?” Suki suggested, to which Ty Lee grinned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a smile to win her over. A smile, to hopefully disarm Suki, to make her forget that not so long ago, it was Ty Lee who had aided in the capturing of the Kyoshi Warriors. A smile to cover the fact that Ty Lee has had practice in wearing their makeup.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A smile to make Suki think of pleasant things, new beginnings, and new friendships. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was most important. That Suki see her only as a friend, never an adversary. Ty Lee needed this to work, to be welcomed into this group of friends and sisters in arms, to get far and away from her own sisters and the world who knew her as such; to leave behind friendships that had turned stale and friendships that could have been more, and become someone new, a new friend among new friends. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sure!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first swipe of the white paint felt strange, almost as if she were applying a mask, or erasing her own features. With each application, each stroke of the brush over her cheeks and nose, Ty Lee could feel the connection to her sisters breaking away. She was becoming someone new, and it felt like freedom. She no longer looked like herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee paused, considering her half-painted reflection in her vanity mirror, Suki seated just beside her. Suki was already in full makeup, full uniform; a picture of strength and beauty. There was no semblance of who Suki was beyond the makeup. Now, she was the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, a driving force. Everyone knew who Suki was immediately, but that was more to how she held herself, how she commanded attention so easily. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Ty Lee wasn’t so certain about herself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is everything okay?” Suki asked as Ty Lee continued to stare at her reflection. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How will everyone know who I am?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The makeup for everyone was the same. The armor was identical. She would become another faceless warrior among ranks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>For a moment, her stomach felt uneasy, the thought of disappearing into another set suddenly settling in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Suki seemed hardly concerned. “Ty Lee, everyone is going to know who you are! Do you really think there’s anyone as smiley and as positive as you? Besides, no one else has hair anywhere near as long as yours! Speaking of….”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suki leaned around her, to examine the length of her braid. “It’s a little too long—I’m not saying you should cut it, but you’ll have to pin it up more somehow. I’m afraid your braid might end up hitting the other girls during practice.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she spoke, Suki had gently scooped up Ty Lee’s braid, holding it, almost testing its weight, and Ty Lee was thankful for the thick paint over her cheeks to hide just how red they had become. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, I can, um, make it so that it doesn’t hang down so much,” she assured Suki.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was silence between them for a few moments as Suki let go of her hair and Ty Lee resumed practicing the makeup she would be expected to wear on nearly a daily basis. For a moment, Ty Lee considered reminding Suki that she was familiar with the makeup, but decided against it. Somehow, it seemed rude to explain that she’d had plenty of practice with the makeup, while posing as the Warriors in Ba Sing Se. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Or maybe Suki remembered. It certainly didn’t seem likely that she’d forget. But it was definitely a conversation Ty Lee would never initiate. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So she painted her face, doing her best to make the lines clean, to have her makeup match Suki’s. And when she was done, Suki smiled at her, and told her it was perfect. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee could hardly tell the difference between her face and Suki’s.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ty Lee stares at her reflection, a tightness in her chest.</p><p>Her makeup is done, perfectly capturing the same look Avatar Kyoshi once wore, and her newer, shorter locks frame her face tightly, unevenly. There is no tying her hair back now, not at this length. And she stares and stares and stares.</p><p>The face she sees is not one she recognizes. Without her braid, she is just another Kyoshi Warrior. Without her braid, she is indistinguishable from her warrior sisters.</p><p>In uniform, her braid is been all that has helped her to stand out. They all fight the same; Suki discourages the use of her acrobatics, that those movements are nothing reflective of who Avatar Kyoshi was, that they fight as she had, using the fans, the sword. The only exception is the chi blocking, a skill that Suki deemed too useful to be ignored.</p><p>But all the warriors are chi blockers now. They all dress the same and look the same and move the same, and now, without her braid, Ty Lee is nothing more than another part of a matching set.</p><p>Somehow, she has allowed herself to be lost in a sea of sameness again.</p><p>Her breath catches, and she clutches at her chest, taking in a full breath now a chore, a near impossibility. Suddenly each inhale she has is desperate and short, as if she cannot take in enough air, and is she dying? The thought passes through her mind as she shifts off her cushion to the floor, propped up by her palms, trying to just <em>breathe.</em></p><p>But how can she focus on breathing when all that is running through her head is that image of herself, and all the other Kyoshi Warriors, standing tall together, her face indistinguishable from the next; and that is too similar to how it had been years back, standing with her sisters, their faces identical and their hair identical, and their <em>names</em> almost identical—</p><p>It takes far too long, it all lasts far too long, but Ty Lee <em>does</em> manage to breathe, and she does get her heartrate to calm down. By the end of it, she is lying on her back on her floor, tears staining her face, causing her makeup to run, and there are streaks of white and red on her hands. She breathes in deep, eyes shut, scared and ashamed and <em>confused</em> of what had happened, and then, she hears the worst sound of all: a knock at her door, and her name being called.</p><p>Ty Lee freezes where she lays, eyes turning to the door that led out of her room. It is Suki’s voice, again calling for her.</p><p>Practice. She is late— or has missed, she is unsure of how much time has passed—for practice. Ty Lee gulps, and doesn’t move. Perhaps, if she stays where she is, and doesn’t make a sound, Suki will leave, because Ty Lee can’t handle the thought of anyone seeing her like this.</p><p>Her prayers to be left alone go unanswered, for Suki announces, “Ty Lee, if you’re in there, I’m coming in,” and she barely has enough time to sit up before her door slides open.</p><p>For a moment, they only stare at each other, and Ty Lee can only imagine the thoughts going through Suki’s mind, before Suki finally sputters out, “Ty Lee? Is that you?”</p><p>And those three words break what little control Ty Lee had managed to pull together, and she bursts into tears, haunching forward, to hide her face in her hands.</p><p>Suki hadn’t recognized her. Suki, who has seen her every day for weeks and months, could not place her.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?”</p><p>Ty Lee breath catches at those words, and she never hears Suki cross the room, but suddenly there is the weight of Suki’s hand on her shoulder, and she is asking her again what happened, why she is crying. Words don’t come; Ty Lee wants to stop crying, wants to brush this off, that this is silly and maybe about a boy (a stupid lie, and she knows it), but her tears are beyond her control.</p><p>They are hard sobs, ones that leave her shaking, and even she can hear how loud they are, almost drowning out Suki who is still trying to figure out why she is crying. But Suki has her arms around Ty Lee now, and almost instinctively, Ty Lee buries her face in Suki’s chest, clinging to her.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That was not the first time Suki had seen her cry, nor was it the first time Suki had held her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first time had been some months back, not long after Ty Lee arrived on Kyoshi Island. Her welcome had been strange; the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors had known her, thanks to their time in prison together, and she had already talked things over with Suki (and had managed to put the bad blood between them behind them). It was merely the lay of the land she had to familiarize herself with. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it had been fine…for a little while. But the nights were cold on Kyoshi island, and she bunked alone. It was strange to live alone, to have a space of her own. This wasn’t the first time she’d been granted such a space; in the circus, she had her own dressing room that also functioned as a bedroom. But there weren’t strictly enforced bedtimes at the circus, and she could meander and mingle as she wished. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>On Kyoshi Island, there was an awful lot of time she had to herself, and the nights were the worst of it. There was no one to talk to while falling asleep, no waking up and having a friend right there. She couldn’t just chatter her thoughts away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At night, alone, with a horrible chill to the air, she only had her thoughts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And often— more often than she’d expected— she thought of Mai. Of what Mai was up to, if Mai was living with her parents again, if Mai visited the palace every day. If Mai thought of Ty Lee as much as she did her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some nights, she found herself missing the cell she and Mai had shared. It was a terrible thought, and she knew it. No one in their right mind would miss being locked up and confined. But she did. As loathe she was to admit it, Ty Lee missed it. Or aspects of it. Moments. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like how calm Mai had been, seemingly unphased by their circumstances. How she acted as if being imprisoned was nothing out of the ordinary, a calming force for Ty Lee, a grounding force. Or how they slept side by side, fingers entwined through the night. That Mai’s arms felt more secure than anyone else’s ever had wrapped around her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She missed Mai. She missed her dearly, and longed for a letter from her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There wasn’t much reason for Mai to write other than boredom. They were only friends, after all. After being released from the prison, they had talked, a good talk, a definitely absolutely mutual talk that they cared deeply for each other and would always love each other, but Mai needed to go back to Zuko, that there was a relationship Mai needed to repair and possibly rebuild. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Ty Lee had thrown herself to the friends she’d made in prison, and managed to get herself invited into their ranks, and suddenly found herself an ocean away from everything that reminded her of Mai. She’d left the Fire Nation before, had run off to join the circus that toured the colonies, but this was nothing like that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This was rigid. It was the same faces every day, the same routines. It was cold, so very cold some days, and there was snow, and Mai wasn’t there. And for some reason, Mai’s absence made all the other changes so very obvious. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee did what she always did; squashed those feelings deep down, pretended she was fine, pretended she wasn’t homesick for her best friend who had chosen Zuko over her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(And that was fine, wasn’t it? Zuko was Fire Lord, and Zuko could give Mai anything in the world, and it only made sense that Mai choose Zuko, didn’t it?)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suki would watch her while she practiced, learning the forms to fight in formation, learning how to move in tandem with others. And she would correct her, single her out, that she was moving as an individual. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t the first time in her life that Ty Lee had been told she stood out too much.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Ty  Lee would smile, and nod and throw herself into it even more, focusing on becoming one with the other warriors. She trained harder, outside of practices. She coached the other girls on exacting chi blocking techniques. Every moment she could spare was spent becoming a perfect Kyoshi Warrior, exhausting herself so that when she finally turned in for the night, to her lonely bunk, she fell asleep quickly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Until the day Suki had found her, on a free day, practicing the use of her fans in the dojo. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ve been training hard,” Suki had commented, leaning against the doorframe. She wore blue, a color choice that Ty Lee found both confusing (for Suki was Earth Kingdom, and they tended to favor greens and browns) and lovely (for it matched her eyes). </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ty Lee had nodded, continuing her motions, all so committed to memory she did not even need to think about what she was doing. “I want to get this right.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suki stepped into the room. “You’ve been here for a month. You haven’t taken a day to yourself.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reluctantly, Ty Lee stopped, and shut her fans. She’d been taking orders from someone for so long, she knew when one was coming, when it was important to show respect. “I just don’t want to fall behind.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That caused Suki to nod, thoughtful, her eyes never leaving Ty Lee. “I don’t think you have to worry about that. You’ve picked it all up very quickly.” A pause, as she came to stand just in front of Ty Lee. “You can take a break.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So Ty Lee smiled. She smiled to mask how bitterly she hated the idea of stopping and resting, because that would only give her time to think, and time in her head was not at all what she needed. “Oh, I don’t mind! I like doing this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ty Lee.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had to fight to keep her smile fixed in place. Mai was the only one who would ever say her name that way, that concern, knowing she was hiding something. And Suki said it the same way, with such softness in her eyes, a softness Ty Lee had often seen in the way Mai looked at Zuko but that no one had ever afforded to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s going on?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If anyone had ever told her that those three words would be enough to make her break down and cry, she never would have believed them. Maybe three different words, maybe said by someone else, but that question?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then again, no one else had bothered to check on her before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So cried, and told Suki everything, the words spilling forth so easily, and Suki had held her. Suki had wrapped her arms around her, and allowed her to cry, and Ty Lee allowed herself to be vulnerable for her. And after the tears had stopped falling, but her cheeks were still wet, Suki had sat with her, and stroked her hair, and told her about how hard it is to love someone and know the best thing to do is to let them go; and Ty Lee kept her arms around Suki, because it felt so good to be close to another again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After that day, Suki had made Ty Lee promise to use her free time for herself, not the Kyoshi Warriors, that Ty Lee needed to give time to her own needs before she became overwhelmed.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Just like that day, those months ago, Ty Lee has calmed down.</p><p>Suki’s arms are still around her, her cheek to Suki’s chest. There are streaks of white, of red, on Suki’s armor, and Ty Lee is staring at the smudges of makeup, because it is easier to focus on that than the elephant-koi in the room.</p><p>Of course, Suki isn’t about to let that happen.</p><p>“Ty Lee,” she says, her fingers toying with Ty Lee’s blunt locks, so like how she had done the last time. “What brought this on?”</p><p>It is a question Ty Lee cannot even begin to explain. There’s so much, too much. She clears her throat, a squeak more than anything else, but says nothing.</p><p>Suki tries again, her tone gentle, soothing. “Why did you cut your hair?</p><p>A slightly easier question, but still impossible. How to explain? This was not like the night on Ember Island, where Mai and Azula and Zuko had already known of her sisters, of how famous they were, of how they all were so alike, so identical. She couldn’t fathom retelling it all now.</p><p>“Is this because everyone asked you about it yesterday?” Suki is relentless, a persistent wave of questions and care. “No one was teasing you for it, you know. Your hair was— is very pretty.” And she smooths Ty Lee’s now much shorter hair.</p><p>It’s so sweet and so kind of her, and Ty Lee manages to shake her head. “No,” she finally says, the first word she’s spoken to Suki since she found her. “No, I….”</p><p>And she swallows, and says, “I looked like my sisters with it.”</p><p>There is silence on Suki’s part, and Ty Lee is tempted to chance a look up at her, but that would mean moving.</p><p>“And that’s a bad thing.”</p><p>Not a question, but an observation. It’s not exactly true, but it is close enough to the truth that Ty Lee nods.</p><p>“So you cut it off…and regretted it?”</p><p>“Not…not exactly.”</p><p>A sigh from Suki, and Ty Lee shuts her eyes as her head rose and fell with Suki’s chest. “Ty Lee, can you tell me? I need to know…what’s going on.”</p><p>Ty Lee swallows, and suppresses a groan, and pulls away from Suki, mourning the comfort of her arms instantly. Her cheeks are still wet, and now that Suki can look at her, can properly see her, that bothers her, and she wipes her cheeks with her hands. But when she looks down at her gloves, there is white and red on them, just as there is white and red smeared over Suki’s armor.</p><p>She can only imagine how she looks.</p><p>“Don’t move,” Suki says, and this is not in the same tone she’d been speaking in, not the gentle and calming way she had been talking to her, but a command; a leader to their soldier. And as Suki stands and walked off to the washroom, Ty Lee did as she was told.</p><p>Where would she even move to, looking the way she almost certainly did?</p><p>When Suki returns, it is with a towel and a bowl of water, her gloves removed. The bowl placed set on the floor between them, the towel dipped into it, and then, as she raises the towel up, Suki pauses, her eyes meeting Ty lee’s. “May I?”</p><p>Ty Lee nods and so carefully, Suki sets to removing her makeup. Firm swipes of the towel over her cheekbone and up the side of her face, down the bridge of her nose, over her eyes. And with each wipe, each layer of makeup removed, Ty Lee feels a little freer, lighter.</p><p>“Better?” Suki asks, setting the towel into the bowl, and moving it aside.</p><p>Another nod. “Thank you,” Ty Lee says quietly, and that is all she says.</p><p>Suki lets the silence settle in between them, and Ty Lee keeps her eyes on Suki. So poised in her uniform (ruined with the makeup smears), so sure and comfortable in her face paint, perfect and strong and sure in who she is— just like another girl Ty Lee misses dearly, a girl who already knows her story, who wouldn’t ask her to speak on what is hurting her.</p><p>But Suki isn’t Mai, and Suki is her commander and leader, and though she hasn’t resorted to pulling that card yet, Ty Lee knows it is only a matter of time. She sucks in a breath.</p><p>“…I have six identical sisters,” Ty Lee starts. And it takes some time to explain it all, the loss of identity among them, the reminder of her braid, of how, with her face painting to perfectly match Kyoshi’s, to match her shield sisters, she lost herself again. Suki doesn’t speak once, doesn’t interrupt Ty Lee. She sits silently, and nods along, and is quiet when Ty Lee finishes.</p><p>The minutes stretch on, long and accentuated by the stillness of the room, the focus on Suki’s face as she is lost in thought.</p><p>“Thank you,” Suki finally says, her eyes meeting Ty Lee’s. “For telling me that. It couldn’t have been easy. And, knowing your backstory, I can see why you reacted the way you did. But Ty Lee, I wish you would have told me all of this before you joined.”</p><p>Ty Lee tries to force her body to stay relaxed, for the way Suki says that last sentence, the way Suki hesitates ever so slightly before speaking again, it is making her tighten up, grow tense, as if preparing for a fight.</p><p>“If we had just talked, none of this would have happened,” Suki continues, and there is sympathy— no, pity— in her eyes, in her voice. “I would have turned you down.”</p><p>“What?” The word escapes her lips before she can recognize what she is even saying. “You— what?”</p><p>But Suki is shaking her head, and her furrowed brow is only exaggerated by her makeup. “The Kyoshi Warriors are not the right place for you, Ty Lee. You need some place where you can be an individual. The Kyoshi Warriors cannot provide that.”</p><p>“Suki—”</p><p>“We are a single unified team. We fight as one. We dress identically, paint ourselves to be indistinguishable from one another. Individuality does not exist here. And I think you know that.”</p><p>“Are you kicking me out?”</p><p>And there is that look again, pity, and Ty Lee hates it.</p><p>Then Suki poses the question, “Do you really think you can continue being a part of a ‘matched set’ and be happy?”</p><p>It is a question that Ty Lee doesn’t have to even consider, but she bites down on her tongue to keep the answer from spilling forth, because that answer will get her turned out from this new home that she’s been trying desperately to build, this world she’s been working so hard to be a part of, the friends she’s weaseled her way into.</p><p>But she doesn’t have to say it; Suki knows her answer any way.</p><p>She has to return her uniform by the end of the week.</p><p>Ty Lee suddenly finds life on the remote island to be suffocating and the next ship to come will be the one she leaves on. Her few belongings packed up in a single bag. It doesn’t matter where the ship is headed to, only that she leaves on it.</p><p>She is lucky; the ship arrives only two days after Suki forced her out of the Kyoshi Warriors, after her meltdown, after everything. It is an Earth Kingdom ship from the mainland, carrying precious supplies, and Ty Lee is prepared to offer every piece of gold she has to get her off this island. She stands just at the docks, bag in hand, searching the men unloading the ship for whoever was in charge. Her hair whips about in the breeze, much too short to tie back, and her head feels lighter, in more ways than one.</p><p>“Leaving already?”</p><p>Ty Lee looks over her shoulder. It is Suki of course, out of uniform and in blue, her expression unreadable. That’s fine. Ty Lee can do that too.</p><p>“There isn’t really a reason for me to stay,” she responds easily, and with a shrug, as if she isn’t bothered by this.</p><p>Suki nods thoughtfully, taking a few short steps toward her. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“Wherever this will take me.”</p><p>“Ty Lee.” And there it is, that pity again, and Ty Lee wants to snap at her, tell her that she doesn’t need pity, she doesn’t need sympathy, those won’t get her anywhere, those don’t give her anything at all. But instead she keeps a forced half smile on, even as Suki continues. “You know, there’s always a place for you here. Maybe not among the Warriors, but here. On this island.”</p><p>There are unspoken words there, Ty Lee can feel it, and she can feel it in Suki’s gaze that shifts from pity to something else, something Ty Lee doesn’t want to see, but recognizes just the same. And it hurts in a way that Ty Lee has not felt since Mai last let go of her hand.</p><p>So she looks down at the weathered planks of the dock and nods, and says that she knows. And when she looks up, Suki has moved closer, and Ty Lee quickly blurts out that she needs to go find the captain, to ask about coming aboard.</p><p>Suki holds out a folded piece of paper, and Ty Lee accepts it— because what else could she do?— and asks, “What is it?”</p><p>“Just give it to the captain,” Suki instructs. “It should help cover any travel expenses.”</p><p>Ty Lee stares at the paper, not opening it or reading it, and then looks up at Suki. Suki has never been able to guard her feelings the same way Ty Lee has, and it is almost disarming, the intensity in her eyes, and there is only one thing to do.</p><p>The hug takes Suki by surprise— and to be honest, Ty Lee is a little surprised by her own actions— but she recovers quickly, wrapping her arms tightly around her. And for a moment, Ty Lee is able to forget everything that led up to this moment and pretend that this is just the two of them.</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispers. Suki says something in return, but Ty Lee can hardly make it out and doesn’t ask her to repeat it.</p><p>When they let go, Ty Lee gives Suki one last nod, before walking down the dock to the ship.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally supposed to be part of the Winter ATLA Femslash week, but I felt like this wasn't femslash-y enough to count. </p><p>Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought!</p><p>Follow me on tumblr @soozenwrites for writing updates and fandom nonsense.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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